Dear Friday,

Wish you'll always be a great day.
Today, may I talk about something else? I meant, not him.
If you ask me whether the problem has finished or not yet, the answer is no.
He's still mad at me. Without I'm knowing the reason.
If you ask me whether I'm fine already, the answer is no.
I'm still lying on my bed, sick, weak, and pathetic.

I'm too tired of everything. My dreams, my hope, my wish.
My eager to make everyone happy, my eager to make everyone likes me.
I'm too tired of all of those things.

If only I were ignorant, if only I were not that pathetic, I would love my own life more, love my self more than I love anyone.
Yet, I'm pathetic.
I'm the one who easily put my heart on someone deeply.

I just wonder when I started being this 'me'.
I meant I used to be a different 'me'.
I was that girl who easily loved someone who cared of me, then would be easily fall into the other one who care more.
Yeah, I could love someone easily but could forget easily.

I just wonder why I am a different 'me' now.
Why should I fall too deep to someone even when he often makes me sad, makes me cry?
And why can't I even try to like or even see other men outside there?
Those who try to steal my attention when I am having problem with him, the one I said 'the right man', my boyfriend.

Is this love? Is this what faith is? Is this the way I am being loyal?

Whenever somone tries to get close to me, even saying directly wanna date me, now I can bravely say "Sorry, I've had my future husband."

Doesn't matter with that.
I think it's a good change. Maybe that's the way I should be. Being a mature woman, not a girl anymore.

Yet, it feels so sad, so sick, when I need him, and he's not there, then someone tries to be there to me, to help me when my boyfriend doesn't want to talk to me. It feels sad.

No, I don't want to make them feeling being used. I don't want to betray my boyfriend. I don't want to disapoint him. I want him to trust me, just like I trust him with all my heart. I want him to know how much I love him, though he seems like he doesn't care.

It's hard. It's hurt. But I do it because I love.

Am I beng stupid? Being fool? Silly? Crazy?
Loving the one who doesn't deserve to be loved that way?

No, he's worth loving.
I know he's a nice man. He has a kind hearth. He's too kind to me, with all his hearth.
And that's what makes me stay.
Ya Rabb, give me strength and patience.
I love him, and I know he loves me.
Please, let us be together.
Lead us to Your way. Amin.