“I’ll meet him”, I said.
I Looked at my mirror and wiped my eyes. It was hard to imagine his face. My profound hatred had killed all the sweet memories between he and I. There would be no smile left to remember all the time we have spent together. Everything about him was hurtful. If I had to mention the most regretful thing I have done in my life that was it, to know him.
Two days before yesterday Ryan came to meet me. I had not met him for two years since he moved to England. He had left me without any permission. And after two years he simply came to me to say sorry. How could I imagine, what kind of man he was.
I said nothing in front of him. Even I hardly raised my head to look at his face. I struck speechless and I ignored him. However, he knew how I loved him. And that was right, I did love him. Unfortunately, I had completely ignored him. My hatred had forced me to do that, though my heart hardly received it. I could not do nothing. Yet, I could still see his face before he left, that was a very pale face, I had never seen from him before.
I had been wating for him for so long. I was glad to see him again, but it was too late. Everything had been covered by my hatred. He broke his promiss. He left me and he threw me out. How could I still love him. Yeah, I had tried, but as the time goes by and as my tears go by, my profound hatredhad covered my whole heart.
I looked at my cellphone. There were twenty three missedcalls from the same number, Ryan’s number. And the only message was also from tha same number. However, I knew that was not him who wrote the message. I had already known the way he wrote. I could guarantee this one was not his.
I tried to shift my mind from thinking about it. I did not want to think about him. I really did not want to. I closed my eyes and tried to forget all about him. I wanted to ensure my heart that I did not need him, I did not want to care of him, and I really hate him. I tried it again and again, but it was really hard.
My mind came to the message. The only message which told me that Ryan was in hospital and he wanted me to be there. I did not know what was in my mind. Whether I should trust it or not, whether it was true or not, and I was questioningwhy he was there. I could not trust it. However, it was not important for me. I did not need to care of him anymore. He’s no one for me. I looked at my mirror cynically. By the reflection of the mirror, I could see my own face. There were tears in my eyes. I could see the hidden anxiety beyond my droopy eyes. And I hardly breathed.
“ Who are you? I don’t wanna care of you!”, I screamed and I threw the mirror.
The pieces of the mirror sproud everywhere as the bigger anxiety filled my mind. I burst into tears.
I could not restrain my emotion. I found my key then I drove to the hospital. As I entered the hospital’s door, my anxiety getting worse. I hate and really hate to think about him, buat I did.
I opened the door of room which number 501. I saw him, with his mom beside his bed. I could not say anything. I was in tears. My hatred and anxiety to lose him filled my mind in the same way, in the same time. Again, I hate and really hate to think about him, but I did.
His mom approached me and then hugg me.
“He had been waiting for you for so long. He loved you, dear. He ….”, she could not continue her word. Tears rolled down her cheeks.
I was stiff in front of her. I could not say any word. I hardly breathed. I just looked at his whole body which had been covered by a blanket.
I could feel tears rolled down my cheeks, but I sruck speechless. I whispered to my own heart.
“This is the time. I have to say what I don’t wanna say”, I stoped a while then continued, “ I hate you Ryan, but I can’t stop loving you”.
