I'm Feeling Guilty

 It's been years...

Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah SWT. I am married, and I'm now a mother of a beautiful daughter, Nabila Azzahra. Alhamdulillah.

There's a lot of things I want to share, yet this time I just want to express my feeling, yeah I'm feeling guilty about letting my daughter fell down from her stroller. 😭

Someday when I read this I'll remember, I need someone to share my worries, and I'll finally realize I share it to myself. 😢

This will make me aware more, I hope. 😢

Today, Nabila fell down from her stroller. Of course it happened accidentally, yet I'm really sorry and I'm really feeling guilty. I cried when she cried, I hugged her tightly and tried to calm her down yet I couldn't make my self calm down.

After a while, she stopped crying and started to smile, yet I couldn't stop blaming my self.

Dear daughter, I love you so much that I worry that much. 😭 I'm sorry..

I didn't see any bruises on her, but I'm still worrying that much.

She played, smiled, and laughed as usual but these couldn't make me feel fine. 😭

I'm really sorry, Dear. 😭

Now, she is sleeping and I'm looking at her, how grateful I am to have her in my life, how Allah loves me that much by sending her in my life.

I promise I'll be more careful. I'll take care of you well, Bila..

I love you, I always pray you'll always be better than your mom.

Stay healthy, and happy, My Love.. ❤️

Dear Ya Rabb,


Ya Rabb. Tidak tau lagi harus mengeluh pada siapa selain padaMu. Ampunilah hamba. Maafkanlah segala kesalahan hamba. Engkau yang maha pemberi, berikanlah hamba kekuatan hati, ketenangan hati, hingga hamba bisa menjalani kembali hari hari hamba ya Rabb.

Ya Rabb, hamba lelah. Sakit ini, cobaan yang Engkau berikan pada hamba, hamba anggap ini adalah caraMu menghapuskan dosa dosa hamba yang terlalu banyak.

Ya Rabb, sudah berapa kali hamba berpikir untuk menyerah, dan hamba takut pikiran pikiran itu kembali datang.

Ya Rabb, hamba sendirian. Tak mampu membagi beban ini pada siapa pun. Hamba tidak mau menyusahkan orang tua hamba ya Rabb. Mereka yang Engkau ciptakan tulus mencintai hamba. Mereka yang kerap kali hatinya hamba sakiti. Hamba tidak mampu lagi menjadi beban mereka ya Rabb.

Ingin sekali membahagiakan mereka. Tapi apa yang bisa hamba lakukan?

Ya Rabb, hamba lelah. Hati ini semakin hari semakin rapuh. Kuatkan hamba dengan iman padaMu ya Rabb.

Hamba ingin mengiklashkan semua orang yang hamba sayangi padaMu ya Rabb. Hamba tidak bisa membahagiakan mereka. Hamba tidak bisa menjaga hati mereka. Hamba tidak bisa membuat mereka nyaman dengan adanya saya.

Ya Rabb, hamba mohon. Berikan kebahagiaan pada orang tua hamba. Saudara saudara hamba. Mereka yang sering hamba sakiti hatinya.

Ya Rabb, berikan ketenangan pada dia, orang yang hamba sayang saat ini. Orang yang hamba pikir jodoh yang Engkau ciptakan buat hamba, walaupun hamba tau dia bukan siapa siapa hamba sebelum kami resmi menikah.

Ya Rabb, hamba sudah lelah berjuang ya Rabb, hamba serahkan semuanya padaMu ya Rabb. Jika sakit ini, ujian ini, untuk menguji kami, mohon mudahkanlah kami melaluinya.

Ya Rabb, ampunilah segala dosa hamba, berikan hamba ketenangan hati, dan kabulkanlah doa hambaMu ini ya Rabb. Amin.

Dear Friday,

Wish you'll always be a great day.
Today, may I talk about something else? I meant, not him.
If you ask me whether the problem has finished or not yet, the answer is no.
He's still mad at me. Without I'm knowing the reason.
If you ask me whether I'm fine already, the answer is no.
I'm still lying on my bed, sick, weak, and pathetic.

I'm too tired of everything. My dreams, my hope, my wish.
My eager to make everyone happy, my eager to make everyone likes me.
I'm too tired of all of those things.

If only I were ignorant, if only I were not that pathetic, I would love my own life more, love my self more than I love anyone.
Yet, I'm pathetic.
I'm the one who easily put my heart on someone deeply.

I just wonder when I started being this 'me'.
I meant I used to be a different 'me'.
I was that girl who easily loved someone who cared of me, then would be easily fall into the other one who care more.
Yeah, I could love someone easily but could forget easily.

I just wonder why I am a different 'me' now.
Why should I fall too deep to someone even when he often makes me sad, makes me cry?
And why can't I even try to like or even see other men outside there?
Those who try to steal my attention when I am having problem with him, the one I said 'the right man', my boyfriend.

Is this love? Is this what faith is? Is this the way I am being loyal?

Whenever somone tries to get close to me, even saying directly wanna date me, now I can bravely say "Sorry, I've had my future husband."

Doesn't matter with that.
I think it's a good change. Maybe that's the way I should be. Being a mature woman, not a girl anymore.

Yet, it feels so sad, so sick, when I need him, and he's not there, then someone tries to be there to me, to help me when my boyfriend doesn't want to talk to me. It feels sad.

No, I don't want to make them feeling being used. I don't want to betray my boyfriend. I don't want to disapoint him. I want him to trust me, just like I trust him with all my heart. I want him to know how much I love him, though he seems like he doesn't care.

It's hard. It's hurt. But I do it because I love.

Am I beng stupid? Being fool? Silly? Crazy?
Loving the one who doesn't deserve to be loved that way?

No, he's worth loving.
I know he's a nice man. He has a kind hearth. He's too kind to me, with all his hearth.
And that's what makes me stay.
Ya Rabb, give me strength and patience.
I love him, and I know he loves me.
Please, let us be together.
Lead us to Your way. Amin.

Dear September..

Remember my last post? Yeah, it was about him. Today I'd like to share my feeling, still about him. Hmm, you know, one bad periode of time has passed. I talked to him, already. Though, we haven't discuss about that problem. I meant the simple things that may easily bring us to a quarrel, to argue each other, and mostly to make him angry, yeah him, not me.
            I was about to give up you know, I've been crying all nights because of him. I don't know why. Am I loving him to deep? I don't know.
            To cut the long story, finally we talked.
And now, I'm sick. I've been sick for more than three days. So glad that he's always there when I need him. This morning he accompanied me going to hospital. How nice he is. And I do appreciate it. I told my friends. I told my parents, when they asked me who accompanied me. So glad that I have him as the answer.
           Yet, again. I don't know what happened. Well, maybe I was annoying, for him.
I didn't pay attention to what he said until it made him angry, again. I asked for apologize and gave him my reason yet he simply answer "I don't ask".
I cried.
I cried, sad.
I don't know what to say again.
Dear, I don't know what should I say to you.
I can't think.
My head aches. I need my medicine.
Ya Rabb, please take this sickness, I wanna be healthy. I don't want to make anyone suffer because of me.
I'm sorry for bothering everyone, including you, Dear.
I can't think anymore. Hope you're feeling better soon.
The doctor put kind of drug which will make me sleep soon on the prescription. I guess I'll take it now. I just want to forget what bothering my mind now, you, who is angry to me.
I hope you feel better soon.
I love you, Dear. Thanks for being mine.

Dear you..
It's been more than a year, my last post. I've been too busy of my real life. Want to talk about it? I guess I do.
The right man. I thought I've found him. Yeah, the right man.
I knew him right after I got broken heart with the one I told you in my previous post.
He was a very nice man. The best among all I've known. He didn't a long time to make me fall into him, though I've tried hard not to. I've tried hard to keep my heart but still, he stole it from me.
              Yeah, after 2months getting closer to each other, after too much complain from our friends that we're just being too childish not to admit our feeling, finally I decided to talk with him. It was May, 3rd 2015, I called him, telling him that I want to meet him cz I have something to talk. He didn't even hesitate to say yes, immediately.
I hang up the phone and I struck speechless, actless, counting again the risk for what I have decided. I remembered my traumatic, again, about my previous relationship. It felt hard for me to have one, again. I was too afraid of having a relationship, again. I was tired of love, its drama, and of course how it ends. I was sick of it.
           I went to my bathroom and got a wash. Feeling fresh, I got dress. Haven't done with my veil, I heard he greeted me in front of my front door, "Assalamualaikum". And I told him to wait.
          I went to the living room and greeted him, I said "I'm ready" and we went out. He asked me where to go and I said I had no idea. He smiled.
          "Can we have a short date?" I asked. "Why should it be short if we can have it longer?" he answered, smiling.
          Finnaly we arrived in a nice place. When I arrived, I was suddenly remember my ex, cz it was the place where I usually spent my time with my ex. I tried to fight that feeling coming to my mind, traumatic. I convinced my self, I'm now here with different man, that may give me different story, that may be my future.
         We sat down and waited for our drinks. I started the conversation, too much intro, but I didn't mind. I saw him enjoying our conversation. He never talked that way before. I started to feel comfort and I told him what I actually wanted to talk about. He looked nervous and I tried to make up a joke. When he finally ready, I said what bothering my mind.
         The thing that I remember, at that time we made agreement to have a relationship. Yeah, we did. With some considerations, finally we decided to admit that starting that day, we're in relationship.
        Time flies... we have spent much time together. I started to love him deeper. He was really nice and in my heart I call him the right man. I am about sure to arrange my future with him. When I started to know his family, when he started to know my family. Too much story to be told actually, too many things happen. I once broke up with him. And it felt awfull. I was about to give up yet I tried to stay I tried to convince him that I won't disappoint him.
I just wonder how I  really want him. I really didnt wanna give up on him.
        When finnaly we started it again, we were getting much closer. We're planning for the future. My right man, he was about to make my dreams come true. I was so glad and I love him much deeper.
       Then finnaly I convince my self to tell my parents about him. It's hard. It was my first experience. I never told my parents about my previous relationship with my ex. He was the first man I brought to my parents. When they finally met and he talked to my parents about us, I felt like the time stopped. My heart beat faster and I am about to cry.
         Here we are. After all of things happen. I'm waiting for him.
I heard some people say, when you srart to arrange to get marry you'll find much problem that will make you feel like you won't be able to handle it, the problem that make you feel you should give up, or much harder than that. I was worrying about that people say before, until I realize maybe I experience it right now.
        It's been three days he doesn't wanna talk to me. He was angry because of some missunderstanding. If only you know dear, I trust you with all my heart. I never think bad thing of you. Yet, it happened already. It's been three days. I'm about thinking whether we can pass this or not. I really want to text him saying, "I love you, dear" yet I don't have my courage. I'm too afraid of making him angrier. I'm sorry dear. Ya Rabb, please keep us. Please help us. I hope everything will get better soon. Amin Ya Rabb..

Have I found the Real Me?

Have been tired of love. Yeah, I have.

So sad and pathetic, indeed. Yet, that’s the fact. I’m broken, again.

I guess it’s the ending. I’ve hurt his feeling once and now it seems that he has done his revenge.

How cruel! I don’t know, I have no idea about what in his mind is.

Well, let me just call it as a revenge. And he has succeed. Well done!

Btw, it’s been so long since I post my last posting.

Have been so busy about my new world, the real world. Yeah, I’ve been born in the real life.

I’ve once thought that it would be a scary place, in fact, it’s scarier than what I have imagined.

What a world!

Receive it or not, I’ve been here. And you know what, as others do. It’s time for me to find the real me.

I have to choose that path or continue my whole life like a slave of other’s life.

I just wonder why it still feels like a dream. How hard it is to wake up.

If it was a fairytale, I would just need to wait for the prince to give me a true love kiss to break the sleeping curse. Unfortunately, only Snow White or Aurora were lucky enough to have that destiny.

Well, I hate grumbling, actually. But I always did.

Neither love nor life can give a kind of sweet story. And I’m kindda bored of these.

I’ve fell and broken for so many times. How many times should I be reborn?

Am I tough enough to keep moving on?

I guess it’s not a choice.

“Okay, sweet girl, wake up now! Let’s find the real you!”

I dumped him or was dumped by him?

Feel like an idiot.

What have just happen?
I totally don't understand.
What a stupid thing I did.
Why should I tell him? It used to be okay. I can handle this affair smoothly.
But, I can't live my life that way.

All of those loves I have are just fake.
And I used to maintain all of them, like a true defender.
Really nonsense.
When I realize, no one is special.
I can't keep even one of them.

Well then, give me strength to start it from zero. With no one?
Okay, WITH NO ONE!
But, I'll loose him.
I dumped him? No? Was I dumped by him?
I DONT CARE!

I have passed this way for more than four years. And I hope much from him. But then, I finally realize, I'm not tough enough to be a loyal lover for him. I do love him, and do still love him, yet I love anyone else.
No, I never trust him. I meant, I know he'll never cheat me, but I don't believe that he'll love me that much. I meant, I cannot trust his love to me. I meant, .... Uh, I cannot explain it.
I just feel that his love is fake. I just wonder I can be by his side someday.
As I am close to his family, but that was also a fake.
Nothing is a truth.

I used to live in my own imagination, in my fake world.
And I'm too bored now.
I wanna live in reality.
I'm not a doll in a lovely cupboard, I'm not even a princess in a fairytale.
Live is much harder, I know, but it will be much more beautiful if it is in reality.
I believe that.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Total Bad Day

Cuz I'm broken....... (Chase Coy)

Damn!
Perfectly damn!
Today, I'm feeling very bad. What the heck is this?
Could anyone tell me?
I'm totally broken.
It's so hard. I can't stand anymore..

God, is that true? What a big bastard I'm.
I had a date with other's boyfriend.
No.

No, that's not a date. I've loved him as my brother. I know that sounds nonsense.
I know. And you won't believe me? I know.
I won't ever ask and beg you to believe.
I won't, to anyone.
I won't.
Hey you, his girl. I just want to apologize.
It's for you to decide.
You can hate me. You can call me as a bastard, as you wish.
I won't give a damn with what you said.
But, he used to be my brother. I swear.
he used to be.
Now, he is not.
I hate him as I hate my self.

God, I hate my self.
I do really hate my self.
How come?
After I broke my boyfriend's (I)'s felling, I broke (D)'s feeling, will I break any other?
Will I break everyone who love me?
What did I do?

Now, I'm totally broken.
No one could fix me.
Let me be alone for a while.
When I've got ready, send me my true soulmate.
I won't ever betray him, God.
I promise.

Dear April

Dear April,

Thanks for being one of my unforgettable moments in my life.

This is still April 25^th, but so many things happen.

After a long waiting, finally I could finish my thesis and had the examination on April, 23^th.
Thanks for my greatest God, ALLAH SWT. Thanks for my beloved Mom and Dad, also my brothers and friends. Thanks for my advisor and examiners. Thanks for the headmaster, the teacher, and all the friendliest students I’ve ever had.
(Hey, wait! This is not an acknowledgement, rhyte?) Who cares?
Actually I must do the revisions soon, cz the examiners only gave me two weeks for this.
Yet, I need time to breathe. Is this nonsense?
Well, I don’t care.

I’ll tell you the story behind this unforgettable moment.
Who have ever wanted to experience a broken heart in the night before the thesis examination?
Me? You guess it must be me?
Totally wrong! I don’t! Of course, I don’t.
What a stupid thing.
But, if you guess that it must be me who experience that thing, that’s a perfect guess.
Congratulation. I’ll give you a stand up applause. #yay

Yes, I did.
I got broken heart on that night.
But, you know I didn’t really care.
What the heck is that?
It was funny. Cz on the afternoon before, I was talking to him and his mom happily.
I missed him so much since he just finished and went back from his KKN.
On the night, when I was practicing for the presentation, my phone vibrated.
I looked on my inbox and I got his message.
(Well, I won’t tell you what was written on his SMS)
The point is, he said that he was really disappointed because of me.
The very point is, he was going to leave me.
I laughed and then I cried all night.

What is the reason?
Ok, I want to make a confession.

That was purely my own fault.
I played on him.
Yet, frankly speaking I never intend to do so.
Cz I do love him.

But, he was really ignored me when he was busy with his KKN.
I missed him so much.
I desperately needed him.
Yet, he never had a time for me.

Then, I knew a new friend.

I often did chatting with him, till we got very close.
Actually, he’s none. I haven’t ever met him.
However, he’s too kind and too innocent.
I feel pleasant to know him and he’s always there whenever I’m down.
Still, I can’t love him.

Ok, in short, I was left alone and I’m single. #yay *move on*
Let me try to experience how is the feeling to be single.
When a boy asks me for a date, I’ll gladly say that I’m free.
When finally he asks, “Have you had a boyfriend?”, I’ll surely answer “Not Yet”
Then, he’ll say, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Yes”, I’ll say so.

#LOL

No, I don’t need a boyfriend.
I need a groom. I need a husband.
I’ve been so tired having that kind of relationship called “pacaran”.
I’ve got bored.
I need an eternal love.
I need a loyal and lover husband.

I’m sure God will send me my soulmate someday.
I’ll wait.
I’ll wait.

Hey, I haven’t told you.
I was so glad last night.
I met my friends in UKM, long time no see all of them.
I do miss them.
Last night was a nice nite.
Why?
Cz I got beautiful flowers from one of my junior.
*the result of flirting* #yay
Hey, it’s okay. I’m single rhyte?
Nothing’s wrong with this.

#LOL
We were having a look at eyes.
That was only a small thing, but make sense.

Okay, that was only the first experience I’ve got after being a single #again.
Being single is not a big deal.

Yet, actually. I’m still loving him and wish he could forgive me.

This is March

Oh My,
Time flies so fast.


Okay, for this time, let me write in bahasa Indonesia!
You know why?
I guess not, coz I dunno either.


Well, hari ini tanggal 8 Maret, eh salah, 9 Maret ya. Gua belum tidur dari tadi, jadinya serasa masih tanggal 8.
Punggung gua udah sakit, tapi kayaknya masih belum mau terpejam ini mata.
ya sudahlah, gua buka laptop aja, tancepin modem, go online!


Di FB, gua chatting sama temen luar negeri gua dan kakak sepupu ipar. Ga masalah lah, daripada bengong sendiri. Terus, daripada nganggur, barusan gua nyoba download albumnya sheila on 7. Mudah-mudahan aja bisa kedownload penuh. Amin.


Jiah, diaminin. Kayak apaan aja!


Oya, gua bingung ni sebenernya mau nulis apaan, soalnya tadi ni tulisan udah gua kasih judul "This is March", harusnya sih ini tulisan nyangkut ke hal-hal yang berhubungan dengan March, contohnya deadline sk**si .. Nah lok??
Hehehe, peace!


Oke mamen, kadang gua optimis banget, tapi kadang gua masih mikir-mikir ni sk**si bakal kelar kagak ya? Optimis, optimis, gua optimis, tapi okelah, OPTIMIS! KELAR!
Semangat Cuy!


Semangat banget mau cepet lulus, padahal ntar kalo udah lulus kagak tau mau ngapain. Bukan cuma itu, masih banyak pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang harus gua jawab. Salah satunya, gimana dengan kelanjutan hubungan gua sama 'dia'??
Satu hal yang sampe sekarang males banget gua pikirin. Kalo harus diterusin, mampukah gua nerusin semua ini? Ini bukan cuma masalah hati mamen, tapi juga politik dalam diri gua sendiri dan keluarga gua. (bahasanya sok iyes!!)
kalo diterusin seribet itu, kalo berhenti kagak kalah ribet juga. Masak gua mau tinggalin gt aja? Terus, gimana dengan usaha gua merpertahanin sejak dari SMA tuh?
Lu pikir gua kagak capek?
Sumpah, ribet dah!! Lupain aja dulu dah!


So, sebenernya tulisan ini tentang apa?
(#don't say any 'GALAU' word!)


No, not at all!
This is March, this is about March!


*maksa banget

Thanks God, Alhamdulillah

Yesterday was the first time I met "Ochi".
Yeah, I named her "Ochi". I hope she'll be my best friend, who always help me and accompany me.
(^_^').
Nice to meet you "Ochi"!

Well, I was so happy yesterday. Finally, my thesis has a title. Really, I'm happy to have an advisor like her. She is indeed kind, humble, and patient. I hope I can finish my thesis soon.
I've registered for the yudisium. Hopefully, I can finish it in time, at least on time!
Though I know, the time left is only about one month.
But, I'm optimistic, I can do it!
InsyaALLAH, Amin.

Well, wish me luck!
(^_^')..

Waiting For That Moment

Oh, God.
I don't know what I feel. It's over my head.
Again!
This stupid little girl (No, I meant this smart and lovely girl) grumbled again!
She cried all night!
Saying that she missed her parents and brothers, and the home 'atmosphere'.

Yesterday was my 21th birthday!
Oh God, I'm getting old!

You know, that girl I meant is me my self!
I did! I cried all the night, the night before my birthday!

Mom, Dad,
You should know how I love you!
You should know how I miss you!
You are more than meets the eye!
Even though,
I always make you sad.
I always make you disappointed.

But, I promise I'll make you proud someday!
You know, Mom, Dad,
I do wait that moment!
I do wait the moment when you'll smile proudly and looking at me!

Those days I've passed are not that beautiful.
I guess you understand!
Sometimes I should smile when I cry!

Sometimes, often I fell jealous!

It's hard Mom, Dad!
But, I do it for you!

I'll keep fight!
Cuz, I DO LOVE YOU!

Lebih Galau Lagi

Aduh..

Galau tingkat Dewa!
Malam ini ga bisa tidur gara-gara Cappucinno. Argggh!
Tapi Sumpah, Cappucinno'nya enak banget! #Gak Nyesel Nyesel Amat!

Oya, hari ini aku galau gara-gara Kakak Bebek!
Dia jalan ma mantannya!
oke, gpp, aku gpp.

Aku tegasin sekali lagi, aku gpp! Aku gpp!

Oke, sekarang, Lupakan dulu!

Lagi, hal lain yang ngebuat galau!
aku kayaknya ngidap hypochondria!

Jeng Jeng!
#Menegangkan!

Ya ALLAH, cukup hypochondria!
jangan lebih. Kumohon..

Aku masih mau hidup!

Belakangan ini aku sering parno banget, gara-gara mikirin tanganku ini yang suka kesemutan!

Browsing di Google malah nambahin galau.

*Jangan remehkan kesemutan!
*Kesemutan=Penyakit syaraf?

OMG, I'm sick of it!

Ya ALLAH, aku mau sehat!

Mau check up, mahal! Gimana ya..

#So sad

This is The Time ........

“I’ll meet him”, I said.

I Looked at my mirror and wiped my eyes. It was hard to imagine his face. My profound hatred had killed all the sweet memories between he and I. There would be no smile left to remember all the time we have spent together. Everything about him was hurtful. If I had to mention the most regretful thing I have done in my life that was it, to know him.

Two days before yesterday Ryan came to meet me. I had not met him for two years since he moved to England. He had left me without any permission. And after two years he simply came to me to say sorry. How could I imagine, what kind of man he was.

I said nothing in front of him. Even I hardly raised my head to look at his face. I struck speechless and I ignored him. However, he knew how I loved him. And that was right, I did love him. Unfortunately, I had completely ignored him. My hatred had forced me to do that, though my heart hardly received it. I could not do nothing. Yet, I could still see his face before he left, that was a very pale face, I had never seen from him before.

I had been wating for him for so long. I was glad to see him again, but it was too late. Everything had been covered by my hatred. He broke his promiss. He left me and he threw me out. How could I still love him. Yeah, I had tried, but as the time goes by and as my tears go by, my profound hatredhad covered my whole heart.

I looked at my cellphone. There were twenty three missedcalls from the same number, Ryan’s number. And the only message was also from tha same number. However, I knew that was not him who wrote the message. I had already known the way he wrote. I could guarantee this one was not his.

I tried to shift my mind from thinking about it. I did not want to think about him. I really did not want to. I closed my eyes and tried to forget all about him. I wanted to ensure my heart that I did not need him, I did not want to care of him, and I really hate him. I tried it again and again, but it was really hard.

My mind came to the message. The only message which told me that Ryan was in hospital and he wanted me to be there. I did not know what was in my mind. Whether I should trust it or not, whether it was true or not, and I was questioningwhy he was there. I could not trust it. However, it was not important for me. I did not need to care of him anymore. He’s no one for me. I looked at my mirror cynically. By the reflection of the mirror, I could see my own face. There were tears in my eyes. I could see the hidden anxiety beyond my droopy eyes. And I hardly breathed.

“ Who are you? I don’t wanna care of you!”, I screamed and I threw the mirror.

The pieces of the mirror sproud everywhere as the bigger anxiety filled my mind. I burst into tears.

I could not restrain my emotion. I found my key then I drove to the hospital. As I entered the hospital’s door, my anxiety getting worse. I hate and really hate to think about him, buat I did.
I opened the door of room which number 501. I saw him, with his mom beside his bed. I could not say anything. I was in tears. My hatred and anxiety to lose him filled my mind in the same way, in the same time. Again, I hate and really hate to think about him, but I did.

His mom approached me and then hugg me.

“He had been waiting for you for so long. He loved you, dear. He ….”, she could not continue her word. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

I was stiff in front of her. I could not say any word. I hardly breathed. I just looked at his whole body which had been covered by a blanket.

I could feel tears rolled down my cheeks, but I sruck speechless. I whispered to my own heart.

“This is the time. I have to say what I don’t wanna say”, I stoped a while then continued, “ I hate you Ryan, but I can’t stop loving you”.

Children in Paid Works

As the controversy about children in paid works becomes a debated issue across the world nowadays, some people count paid works as a valuable experience for children, while others consider it as an exploitation of children. Then, why they say so? Those who agree believe that paid works can help children learn about responsibility and develop particular skills that will give benefit for them in the future. On the other side, others who disagree oppose paid works for children because it may cause them to lose their rights to enjoy their childhood and their chances to study as well as their peer. Thus, which one is right? In my point of view, children should not be engaged in some kinds of paid work.

Childhood is a wonderful time, where children can enjoy their time to study or play with their playmate as they wish. However, current reality has shown that many children cannot enjoy their childhood because they are engaged in some kinds of paid works. Those kinds of paid works also decrease children’s enthusiasm to study, while actually their main duty is to study, not to work. Unifah, the leader of PGRI once stated the relevant fact about it. She explained that some children even leave their class and then drop out from school because they feel satisfied for their income for those works and after that they will trap as permanent workers.

Another aspect for my reason is that children need to enjoy their childhood for their psychological development. However some parents do not realize and care much about it. Then, the effects of this ignorance are likely showed by the children by doing protest toward their parents. We can take an example of the recent issue about Arumi Bachsin. She ran away from home for she perceived that she cannot enjoy her time because she is forced to work by her parents.

In some cases, children are engaged in some kinds of paid works because of their families’ economic condition. It is likely that some people will count it as an excuse for them to work. However, we have to consider that fulfilling families’ needs are parents’ duties, not children. Then, what if the parents cannot do that for reasonable reasons? This should be the governments’ duty to take care of low economic level families.

In conclusion, children should not be engaged in some kinds of paid works because it will give bad effects for them. If we consider that children need to learn about responsibility and particular skills in work, why do not we teach them through household works? Knowing the bad effects that may harm them and considering the fact that all children need and have rights to enjoy their childhood, therefore as a wise parent and prospective parents, will we seize their right by allowing them to get involved in some kinds of paid works? Just let our hearts of hearts answer it. (Vie Hanny)

ReyChe Lagi ....

LaGi Lagi ....Aku suka ediT ediT waLLpaper ReyChe ...





LiaT yaH ...
Walaupun bukan semuanya aku yang bikin .... HeHe ....

Nih ,, keren kaN ... Dibikin siH ... ^_^'


Lagi Lagi ...








Lagi Lagi Lagi ......... ^_^'





LuCu kaN ......




Hmmm ,, uda duLu yah ...
Nanti Lain kalI Lagi ......

Between My boyfriend and My Ex-boyfriend..

Oh, it's too hard to forget all about him, Even though I've began my new love story with my new boy .. I know he also has a new girl, but I can do nothing .. Now, I'm still here with my jealousy and foolishness, waiting for him to come back with me .. Even though I know, it's impossible ..

It's hard for me to accept this fact..
He won't be back for me, never..

I'm confused ..
I know, I love my new boy very much..
I don't want to make him disappointed..
But, I also love him deeply..
And I believe he loves me as much as I do ..
Those memories about him will not ever gone..
I know ,, we will not be together ..
But, I will never forget you ..

Bingung

Pasti diantara kita pernah bahkan sering merasakan yang namanya bingung. Rasa dimana kita dihadapkan pada dua atau lebih pilihan dan kita tidak tahu mana yang harus kita ambil. Mungkin juga suatu kebingungan itu muncul disaat kita tidak tahu harus berbuat apa atas suatu hal yang terjadi pada diri kita.
Masalahnya, terkadang dari kebingungan ini, bisa mengakibatkan stress pada diri kita sendiri. Atau bahkan juga kesalahan dalam mengambil keputusan yang mungkin bisa berakibat fatal.
Untuk menghindari itu, ada sedikit saran yang bisa saya berikan:

• Mendekatkan diri pada-Nya.

- Ini adalah cara yang pertama dan utama. Dengan berdoa dan memohon petunjuk dari-Nya. Semakin kita mendekatkan diri pada-Nya, kita akan merasa beban itu berkurang.

• Berbagi kepada pasangan, teman, atau keluarga.

- Hal ini jelas penting. Selain meringankan beban kita, dengan berbagi, ada kemungkinan kita bisa mendapatkan jawaban yang kita cari. Kita juga bisa bercerita dan berbagi pada orang yang kita anggap lebih berpengalaman dalam hal yang kita alami saat itu.

• Be calm.

- Jangan gegabah dan tetap relax. Kegegabahan itu biasa mengakibatkan penyesalan atau kesalahan yang fatal terutama disaat kita akan mengambil keputusan.

• Jangan sediri.

- Apabila kita sedang dalam keadan bingung, biasanya kita ingin menyendiri tanpa ada yang mengganggu, hal itu adalah cara yang efektif untuk menenangkan diri kita sejenak. Akan tetapi apabila kita berlalrut-larut dalam kebingungan itu, bisa menyebabkan yang namanya depresi yang kelanjutannya mengakibatkan stress. Untuk itu, bergurau sama teman, pasangan, atau keluarga sejenak bisa mengurangi beban kebingungan yang kita rasa.

• Menghibur diri sendiri.

- Ini adalah cara relaxsasi yang cukup efektif, yaitu dengan melakukan hal-hal yang kita sukai. Misalnya bernyayi, menonton, atau sekedar membaca komik.

• Berteriak atau menangis.

- Mungkin hal ini terasa aneh dan sama sekali tidak akan menghilangkan kebingungan. Tetapi, dengan berteriak atau menangis, kita bisa mengurangi beban pikiran kita.

Nah, mudah-mudahan kebingungan itu tidak lagi membuat kita gegabah dalam mengambil keputusan atau stress karena terlalu banyak tekanan.
Let's enjoy our lives..

Apakah Tujuan Orang Membuat Blog ..

Setiap orang melakukan sesuatu atas dasar tujuan. Demikian juga para blogger. Tujuan utama para blogger membuat akun blog adalah untuk berbagi ide, berbagi pengetahuan, memperkenalkan usaha,dan atau menambah teman.
Tetapi, yang lain disini, ada juga orang yang melakukan blogging dengan alasan yang lain daripada yang lain (Berarti, tidak sama daripada yang sama dunk..??
HeHe ,, Confused..
Berikut tujuan-tujuan orang melakukan blogging yang saya perhatikan:

* Berbagi Pengetahuan dan berita
--> Ini adalah tujuan rata-rata para blogger. Ya, dengan blogging kita bisa menambah pengetahuan. Maka Tujuan ini dapat diakui, adalah tujuan yang sangat positif. Para blogger biasanya juga mengunggah berita yang ada di sekitar mereka. Sehingga berita tersebut bisa menyebar dan diketahui orang banyak, termasuk juga mengenalkan lingkungan, tempat wisata, dll.

* Berbagi ide
--> Kebanyakan postingan blog adalah ide argumentatif blogger. Dengan blog, mereka yang berpikir kritik bisa menyampaikan argumennya dan mendapatkan komentar, kritik, dan saran dari pembaca. Dari segala segi, pendidikan, ekonomi, lingkungan, politik, dan lain-lain.

* Mengenalkan atau membuat Usaha
--> Para blogger yang memiliki bisnis biasanya membuat akun blog dengan tujuan memperkenalkan bisnisnya secara online. Hal ini adalah cara yang cukup efektif, apalagi dengan semakin meratanya akses internet.

* Menambah Teman dan Link
--> Dengan blogging dan blogwalking, para blogger juga berniat untuk menambah link dan petemanan.

* Menyampaikan Kritik
--> Menyampaikan kritik melalui blog adalah hal yang biasa dilakukan blogger. Mungkin,salah satu tujuan blogging bari para blogger adalah untuk menyampaikan kritik, entah kepada pemerintah atau yang lain. ( Bisa jadi kritik terhadap pasangan, hehe )

* Ajang Curhat
--> Yang ini agak aneh tapi nyata dan menarik. Banyak blog yang saya temui berisi postingan curhat, entah itu seperti online diary, atau juga puisi. ( Mungkin, saya salah satunya, hehe )

* Ajang ekspresi diri
--> Dengan blogging, para blogger bisa mengekspresikan diri mereka. Dan para blogger yang memiliki bakat tertentu biasa mengunggah hasil karya mereka, seperti lukisan, hasil photography, hasil tulisan ( novel, cerpen, puisi, dll ).

* Tugas sekolah atau kuliah
--> Ada juga yang membuat akun blog hanya karena mendapat tugas kuliah. Kebanyakan dari mereka melanjutkan blog mereka, tetapi banyak juga yang membiarkannya begitu saja setelah tugas tersebut selesai dinilai.

* Catatan
--> Hampir sama dengan tujuan diatas. Blogger juga biasa mengunggah tugas sekolah atau kuliah mereka, seperti makalah, artikel penting, materi pelajaran atau kuliah, sehingga mereka bisa dengan mudah mencarinya kembali saat mereka membutuhkannya.

Nah ,,kira-kira itulah tujuan blogging yang saya perhatikan. Tetapi, ada juga blogger-blogger lain yang membuat akun blog dengan tujuan lain. Contahnya berikut ini:

# Ikut-ikutan
--> Yah ,, benar, banyak yang membuat akunblog hanya karena ikut-ikutan. Tapi sayangnya, kadang diantara mereka yang cuma suka ikut-ikutan tidak loyal, jadi dengan mudah saja mereka melupakan akun blog mereka.

# Ingin Eksis
--> Mungkin, diantara para blogger ada juga yang membuat akun blog dengan tujuan ini. Tetapi, menurut saya kurang pas deh kalau akun blog hanya digunakan untuk ajang mencari eksisitas.

# Supaya tidak dianggap GAPTEK
--> This is quite common reason. dari pengalaman saya dengan teman-teman, saya melihat, banyak juga blogger yang membuat akun blog supaya mereka tidak dianggap GAPTEK sama teman-teman mereka atau orang lain.

# Penipuan
--> Wah, ternyata kita perlu hati-hati juga dengan blog. Ada juga orang yang berniat menggunakan blog untuk kejahatan.Mereka membuat akun blog dengan profil palsu dan berisi informasi-informasi palsu, atas nama perorangan ataupun perusahaan, guna mengelabuhi orang awam. Maka dari itu, kita perlu waspada.

Itulah tujuan-tujuan yang saya perhatikan selama ini. Mungkin belum semua. Tetapi dengan memposting tulisan ini, saya berniat menggugah minat pembaca untuk ikut blogging. Tentunya dengan niat dan tujuan yang baik kan ..
So ,, why don't we start it from now ..??
Go Blogging ...!!

Dear Diary..

Hmm ,, banyak banget hal-hal yang membuat aku pesimis..
Ambisiku terlalu besar..
Rasanya aku ga kuat jalani semua ini sendiri, aku butuh seseorang yang bisa memen\mani aku, bisa ada buat aku, saat aku butuh dirinya..
Tapi,, siapa dia, tidak ada..
Masa lalu, masa sekarang, dan masa depan, aku ga bisa membedakannya,
Terlalu sulit buatku untukmengerti semua ini..
Entah kenapa aku masih mengharakkan masa lalu itu datang lagi..
Sekalipun aku tau hal itu tidak mungkin..
Aku bingung, aku bingung..